I have been battling with negativity and discouragement again for the past couple of weeks, for no real reason. I have been able to see God’s hand over the past 24 hours and it’s awesome to see him at work!
I guess it kind of started last night. My team has a couple of “meetings” on Sunday night to start the week off on the right foot. Last night I was on two calls and a Zoom while I was getting some things done around the house and they were all about personal development and mindset and “flipping the switch” when things get too negative. I went to bed more encouraged and energized than I have been in a while.
This morning I got up and decided that I was going to do the Miracle Morning things that I know help me to have a better day and frame of mind overall. I did two devotionals, Jesus Calling and the Daniel Plan devotional. Both of them were also focused on mindset. Then I thought that starting another scripture writing plan would be a good idea, as I haven’t been doing much Bible reading lately. The one I chose is on patience and perseverance, and had an awesome first day passage from Psalms that really spoke to what I have been feeling as well.
I then went for a walk because I know that being outside and getting some physical activity is something that I resist doing when I’m in kind of a dark place but I know that something that helps me. I knew that I wanted to use part of that time to pray and just to kind of reset and re-center myself before I headed back home to plan my day and my week. I also wanted to get in some personal development time and so I went onto Hoopla and thought well I can kind of kill two birds with one stone if I focus on something biblical and encouraging and empowering. I searched Joel Osteen and found a book, It’s Your Time, that has again spoken to exactly what I needed for my head and heart right now!
I don’t usually feel like God speaks to me in words. I’m not sure if you’ve heard me say this before but I feel like God speaks to me through deer. And before you think I’m not quite right, I don’t think that they actually talk to me I just feel like I have a connection to them and I feel like they feel it too. And I believe that connection is really God. There is an area near our house it is kind of a little valley and deer are often there early in the morning and at dusk. I walked down there, hoping that I would see at least one, because they just are always very uplifting to me. Instead there was nothing except browning grass and rocks (and a decaying raccoon) and a whole lot of drizzle. But still I stood there and looked down just in case I had missed one. And I very clearly felt “I am with you even when you don’t see me”. And I stood there and just really let that sink in. Then I was also reminded of times when my kids don’t open up to me about what’s going on when I know that something is bothering them. I try to understand but I do feel a little hurt and left out. And I felt got gently asking, “If that’s how you feel, how do think I feel?” Gulp! (see a couple of cool pics I took on my walk below)
There’s just so much in my head and heart right now. I’m not sure exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I am being called toward something in addition to what I am already doing. I have started a little online nutrition/health/support/encouragement group and I love the thought of that growing bigger and/or having an in person group like that as well. Of course I had some nutrition training school but I really don’t buy into a lot of traditional USDA nutritional guidelines. I would love to take a more holistic approach, and I have thought about taking classes but there’s a lot of different programs with a lot of different costs, most of them pretty pricey, but it’s hard to know which would be the most beneficial or if any of them would. I’ve also looked into coaching, as I think there’s a lot of things that I could help people with and I feel like I have a better understanding of others that I have of myself sometimes. So I don’t know. Right now I’m going to continue to do the things that I feel like I should be doing, increase some of the things that I’m doing but not often enough, and start doing some of the things that I know I should be doing. And then I guess attempt to be patient – which is not easy! I would absolutely appreciate prayers of clarity and guidance and I would love to pray for you as well. What are your struggles?